I Have Too Much Stuff

For those of you that weren't aware, the Fisher family moved two weeks ago. We moved into a duplex in the thriving shithole of Flint, TX. The dogs are much happier because we have a fenced in yard for them and I have an actual office now. The “Sane One” is enjoying having two bathrooms, although she keeps on telling me to stop going to Boston in the guest bathroom. So, we need a guest and pretty damn quickly. Otherwise, I'll keep on using it as it's very close to the office.

Two weeks later, I still haven't found my damn shoes. They are in the pile of boxes still unopened in the garage. Our neighbor just moved, and the same moving company that moved us in showed up to move her stuff out. The concept of a duplex is the other house connected to ours is THE EXACT SAME SIZE. Mr. T's moving company shows up in a much smaller truck with a much smaller crew than the one who moved us into this house.

Our goal was to minimize as much as possible. This resulted in half my wardrobe being donated to charities, over 250 books being dropped off at Half Price Books, a ton of stuff being given to the movers and yet, we still are overloaded with things. I started to think about why we have so much stuff, and it's 100% all my fault. This is one of the effects of adoption that isn't obvious. There are insidious elements that rear their head in odd and peculiar ways.

I have a subconscious fear of running out of things. I typically buy things in multiples of two, and very rarely just two. I have a really hard time letting go of things because I justify that you never know if you will need it again, and then where will you be? You'll be wishing you still had what you threw out. If I were to be honest though, I haven't needed a lot of this stuff for almost a decade. So, what's the point of hanging onto it? The point is that the knot in the pit of my stomach would grow knowing I don't have it anymore.

"Experts" talk about the long-term effects of separation regarding this immigration crisis and children being separated from their parents. A lot of you poo-poo this as sensitive new age liberal crap. The kids are too young to remember this. They won't be affected by this long term. Well, as much as I don't want to admit it, that is a bunch of malarkey. I don't like the idea that I can't control my own instincts and fears. The trauma experienced early on in life has resulted in my having 4 sets of silverware. So I am finally forcing myself to get rid of stuff even though it doesn't feel natural, or safe to do so. I am acting against my own instinct. I can only conclude after reading about other adoptees that many feel the same way. Hopefully the next move can be accomplished with a pickup truck, but I've already started hoarding desks, so don't count on it.

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