Cufflink of the Week: I Told Ya, I Got Crabs

August 3, 2018

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I'll be honest, I didn't really expect to ever own crab cufflinks. I got them because I realized that showing round silver cufflinks is hella-boring, so I needed to spice up my stockpile. So these are a relatively new addition to the collection, coming all the way from England via Etsy. I would like to thank Mr. and Mrs. Etsy for coming up with a brilliant website that allows small and local artisans to sell their wares all over the globe. Before Etsy came along, it was hard times for me to find cufflinks that weren't being offered by Brooks Brothers. Now I get to scour the globe looking for cool and interesting cufflinks to write to all of you fine folks about. 

 

The Sane One and I joke about my previous post about crabs because it probably is both of our least favourite post. I don't think I was at my most inspired and writing about crabs is a shitload less fun than eating them. So word to the wise, if offered the choice between dining on them or writing about them, please ask for help putting the bib on before chowing down on a bushel of crabs. And remember, Tabasco in the butter makes your heart go a' flutter. Shit, this post isn't much better. What the fuck is it about crabs? 

 

It took me quite some time previously to find out interesting facts about crabs that you already didn't know. I'm not going to bore you with more crab cannibalism facts when I can just show you gory YouTube videos instead............

 

Ok, half an hour later, even crab cannibalism videos are boring. You all owe me 30 minutes of my life back in pursuit of consumer satisfaction. I'm not sure why I did that when I already know what I'm going to talk about, and it sure as shit isn't about YouTube videos. 

 

I wear these cufflinks when I am in a particularly bad mood. Seems appropriate, doesn't it? The problem is that I don't tell everyone that I'm doing it. So the efficacy of this warning system is still being beta tested. I found that walking around snarling is a bad way of interacting societally and if someone is really paranoid, it's a great way to a rabies shot in the ass, which is exactly as painful as it sounds. Wearing bad mood indicators is clearly the better way of cautioning people to steer clear.

 

For the rest of the world that sadly doesn't have crab cufflinks, we just don't always know when they are in a bad mood. Would be super helpful, wouldn't it? You could avoid certain checkout aisles in the grocery store, manage to hide from your boss for as much of the day as you can, and promptly head back into your car when you get home and A) spend the night at the bar or B) go get your wife some flowers. Folks, always go for Plan B. It just makes your life a lot easier. In more ways than one, ha ha ha. Or ja ja ja for my Spanish speaking audience. 

 

Ultimately the lesson I leave you to think about is how considerate are you when you are in a bad mood? I at least make the attempt to let people know, but I believe that most of us simply don't bother. And that can make situations so much worse than they need to be. I'm not suggesting you go out and buy frowny face socks or a middle finger salute tie, but perhaps even a little verbal statement like "Hey, I'm in a lousy mood so I might not be the most fun person to be around" could alleviate a lot of arguments that result when no warning is given of a funk. Now if you come up and see me wearing flame cufflinks, just turn around and run like hell, because that is exactly where I want you to go if I'm wearing those. Don't say you weren't fairly warned!

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