TGI Friday's Potato Skins: No Potato Skins

March 29, 2019

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Today, in First World Problems, apparently the vending machine staple of TGI Friday's potato skin snacks contain no actual potato skins. This enraged Solange Troncoso so much that she decided to file a lawsuit in Manhattan Federal Court yesterday. If you have ever sampled this interesting snack item, stop contributing to your 401k, and join the class-action lawsuit instead. She's asking for $5 million, but I'm sure that the jury verdict is going to come back in the high three figures, so you're gonna be set when you get your share of the settlement! Ms. Troncoso is a Bronx resident. Let me repeat that. Ms. Troncoso is a Bronx resident. Apparently life is so great up in the Bronx that you can find time to get enraged regarding the devious, corporate malfeasance that TGI Fridays engaged in by having no potato skins in their snack product. Ms. Troncoso bought the fraudulent product in a bodega for $1.99. If you have ever been in a bodega in NYC, you pretty much know that almost none of the items are actually what is described. And if I'm going to buy a snack for $1.99 in a bodega, frankly, I consider myself ahead of the game if, upon opening the package, no roaches come out. Hell, even if I bought the snack at Whole Foods, I still am not really expecting actual, genuine potatoes to be part of the ingredient list. The first ingredient I would expect to be in them would probably be either sawdust or dandruff flakes. What can I say, I have really low expectations. Except in wives, Sane One! Whew, I narrowly dodged a bullet there, folks. 

 

What do potato skinless potato skins have to do with adoption? Well, somebody sure seems to be in a rush! I was just about to get there, Captain Impatient! I kinda talked about this almost a year ago regarding the Twinkie Olympics. As an international adoptee growing up in a mostly homogenous caucasian society, I could probably get sued for being a Korean with no Korean in him. Han Mu sure told me that the last time he blast called and messaged me. His last words were "Stay in the US. You are not a Korean." Or at least I think that is what he said. The Naver translation was "Where's my $100,000, asshole?!?!" I wish translation apps were better at really accurately translating. I had to really dig in the context of his message to get the true meaning. 

 

The opportunities I have had to interact with non-adopted Koreans quickly makes me realize that my packaging is a wee bit misleading as well. The looks on Korean servers when they realize I'm not gonna respond to their question because I have no clue what the fuck they just said is evidence that somebody is really dropping the ball on their Korean lessons. This past year has been spent trying to figure out what exactly I am and where I fit in. And you know what? Sometimes a potato skin snack just doesn't have any potato skins in it. That's just how the cookie crumbles. I think a great defense for TGI Friday is to fill the courtroom with Korean adoptees, and then watch us all try to perform k-pop dancing, do tae kwon do, eat with chopsticks, and speak Korean. The lawsuit would be dropped instantly. Well, after everyone else stopped laughing, of course. Surely that's worth $5 million dollars, counselors! 

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